Do you remember when online dating was considered a novelty? Something that you dared not disclosed to your friends and family for fear of harsh judgment? By the third date with someone you met on the internet, it was standard practice to start formulating a narrative of how you met, other than the one of how you actually met. Fast forward to 2017 and online dating is as mainstream as traditional forms of meeting people. With today's fast paced and busy lifestyles, the logistics are actually more appropriate.
With that being said, online dating is still a relatively new way of going about meeting someone special, (although much more acceptable than it once was.) Your approach to online dating should be one of "skeptical optimism." Being too pessimistic is likely to color your experience a shade unbefitting of a note home to mom, but being too optimistic can leave you open to being taken advantage of by someone with less than pure motivations. Use common sense when talking to someone you haven't yet met personally, or that has not been vetted by a trusted third party. Never send anyone you have not met money, no matter how "sick their mother is," or "how many militants are coming to burn down their village."
I used to think the only people that were successful with online dating where the people were equally successful offline. After years of experience, I've discovered that couldn't be further from the truth. The fact of the matter is, online dating is a different beast. The people might be the same, but the dynamics are different. What might make one successful in the offline dating environment, might not necessarily translate to online dating. This is especially true if you're not one gifted with incredible height, good looks, and a set of abs that women would gladly line up to scrub the guilt out of their undergarments on, due to the thoughts you're likely to instill in them. Successful online dating is a skill. While some things are beyond the scope of this article, the following are best practices to help ensure success in your online dating endeavors.
Before you publish your first profile, you should clearly establish what you're looking for. If you don't know what you're looking for, you need to take a few moments, days or weeks to figure it out. If you don't have a clear idea of what you're looking for, your results are going to reflect just that. When writing your profile, really take care to include only positive aspects of yourself and what you're looking for. Personally, there's nothing that turns me off quicker than reading a profile that is essentially a list of things a person has been through and is not looking for. IN CAPS. Imagine walking up to a guy or girl at a, saying "hello," and having them respond,"Ugh!, I hope you're not like all of the men that have approached me today! No car, no job, lying, cheating, and still living in their mother's basement!" First impressions do matter- especially on dating sites. So if you're wondering why you're not getting the responses you'd hope for, re-read your profile and ask yourself, "would I respond to this person?"
After writing your profile, you want to make sure it's the best profile you could have possibly written. You don't have to be Ernest Hemingway, but your profile should be funny, creative, and reflective of who you are. It should at the very least include your interests, hobbies, and what you're looking for in a mate. It should also be relatively free of grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure errors. Your profile is like your sales page. If it's unremarkable, contains little about you, and is riddled with poor spelling, grammar, and sentence structure, you're going to make few if any "sales." It all goes back to the "first impressions" I referred to earlier. A carelessly written profile tells a potential person responding that either you don't care enough to present yourself in the best light, or you are not smart enough to know better. Either way, the result is the same. I can't stress enough the importance of a well-written profile; both in form, and content.
If you want to have any success with online dating, you're going to have to post pictures of yourself. You could have the best profile ever written in the history of online dating, but if you have no pictures, you won't get many responses. Women are very visual. They need those visualizations to make emotional connections. They need to see you to imagine being with you. And they need to be able to imagine being with you to respond to you.
Your pictures should be clear, recent, and if including group photos, it should be apparent which one you are. In person, people are dynamic, yet pictures are static. They can only capture one dimension at a time, so you should include as many pictures as possible, in different settings, lighting, and angles. You want to give people the most accurate depiction of what you look like in person. The temptation to use "Photoshopped," airbrushed, or professional pictures might be there, but I suggest you stay away from those as much as possible.
You want people to see the "real" you, and every day "amateur " pictures are the best way to do that. You should also post as many full body shots as possible. Head shots leave too much out of the picture,( no pun intended!) Once again, you want to give the potential person responding the best, and most complete depiction of your physical attributes. Providing only a head shot leaves the individual to extrapolate what is beneath the shoulders. If you were to meet someone who responded to your profile, and what was assumed about your body, wasn't actually what was in reality, that person might feel mislead. When you give a full picture, both figuratively and literally, you can be assured that a person's decision to pass on or reply to your profile is based on all of the information given, not what they feel might have been left out. This last point about pictures goes out to all of the men considering posting pictures of themselves posing in the mirror. Don't.
When responding to profiles, the same care needs to be taken as when writing your own. Spelling, originality, and content, may be a bigger point when responding to profiles; as it is the impression the recipient gets about you before even reading your profile. On the average dating site, men out number women nine to one, so for men, it is especially competitive. Women, especially reasonably attractive women get scores of emails per day. There is no way they can read them all, let alone reply. So she uses due diligence in which ones get read, and which ones get deleted. Their interest in responding to your message starts with your subject line. If you start a reply with, hey, hi, hello, hey there, or some other rendition of those overused subject headings, it lessens the likelihood of getting a response. A subject line is just like any headline. It has to be captivating. Perhaps instead of using the lines mentioned earlier, you could pick out something from her profile, and use that. For instance: She is the reigning tri-county kegstand champion- you could say something like, "kegstand challenge...How's that for a first date?" Or, "Do you ever get any in your ear?" This does two things. First, it tells her that you actually read her profile. Next, distinguishes you from the dozens of seemingly 'cloned' messages she's received from other men
Many guys seem to think it's acceptable to send sexually explicit emails to women early on. If you're looking to get blocked by her or banned from the site entirely, this is probably the quickest way to do it. There is definitely a time, place, and a method of sending sexually explicit emails, yet most men don't seem to get this. So you're a horny, hot, red-blooded male, just looking to hook up. That's fine, as some women are looking for that as well. The difference between you and her is that she also wants to be romanced as well. When the first email you send her reads, " Damn baby ur smokin' hot! Wanna come back to my place and shag?" You've squeezed out all of the romance, and any possibility of getting your 'shag' on with her. So if you're just looking for sexual encounters, it's best to feel her out first. Be open, honest, and funny. Let her mention it first, and escalate from there. Better yet, find a site that is geared toward those types of relationships.
Twenty years ago, there were very few dating sites to choose from; and they were basically general themed dating sites. Today, what ever you're into, there is a dating site that caters to it. Due to the large membership base of websites like Match.com, you are bound to find something for each taste. Unfortunately, depending on your dating preferences, the results might not be as targeted. For instance, if you're a Black American male, who prefers Caucasian women, you might want to consider diversifying with an interracial dating site membership. Likewise, if you are an individual who is highly active and dedicated to fitness. You ought to consider adding a site like fitness-singles.com.
Your mileage will vary with online dating. Some have found great success with it, and others, great peril. Make sure that if you do decide to try it out for yourself, follow the guidelines above for better chances of success. Try out some of the free dating sites like OkCupid, and Plentyoffish, before moving on to paid sites. If and when you decide to transition to paid sites, make sure they have a free full access trial, so you can demo them before committing any cash.
Despite what your jaded co-worker or best friend might tell you, online dating is a fun, exciting alternative to meeting new people in traditional settings. It's becoming increasingly difficult to find someone special these days, so you need to use every tool available at your disposal to bring the odds into your favor.
